Out of Circumstances
by niigoki
Summary: SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE MANGA YOU'LL PROBABLY WANT TO AVOID THIS STORY. Miki tried to pretend everything was fine. She tried to find solace on the fact that everyone's spirits seemed to be finally lifted up after so long, but her head always revolved around that one terrifying thought that made her stomach twist. Glancing over at Kurumi's arm bandage made Miki's hea


Miki tried to pretend everything was fine.

She tried to find solace on the fact that the girls from Saint Isidore University were kind, fun and very upbeat, she tried to enjoy the meals and the hot baths that had been provided, she even tried to join in the laughter when Touko and Kurumi got way too heated over a Mario Kart match. But her head always revolved around that one terrifying thought that made her stomach twist.

Glancing over at Kurumi's arm bandage made Miki's heart drop. It was a secret both of them shared, one of many others they've come to keep between themselves. She didn't know when or why Kurumi had started coming to _her_ for support – Miki always assumed Rii-san was closer to the girl since they've shared many other memories together – but then she realized it was because Rii-san had other burdens to carry now. Ruu and Yuki were managing to make the club president genuinely smile for the first time in days, and Miki was very glad for it. She knew Kurumi cared too much about Yuuri to worry her right now.

Miki worried though, and she couldn't stop worrying.

Shifting on her futon, Miki frowned and got up. She couldn't catch any sleep, so she decided to go out for a bit of fresh air. Slowly making her way to the doors, she slid them open, careful not to wake the others. Everyone agreed that sleeping together was still much better, even if they did have their separate rooms in the university, so she still couldn't make any noise when leaving.

Stepping outside felt good; the rooftop was a safe place according to Aki, so Miki didn't have to worry about infected people sneaking up on her. She sat down and stared at the stars, trying to clear her head for a bit. She thought about Yuki's smile and a grin made way to her own lips. Her senpai had grown so much from the first time they met, Miki was very proud of her because of that. She was also very good with children, making Ruu feel safe, which also helped Rii-san to calm down. Everyone seemed to be in a better mood now, but that was because they didn't know of Kurumi's condition, and this saddened Miki once again.

"You okay?"

The voice made Miki sharply turn around, only to face Kurumi's playful expression. Speaking of the devil.

"…Yes, sorry if I woke you up, senpai." She tired to mask her nervousness, but failed. Kurumi only hummed and sat down next to her, glancing up.

"You didn't, I just couldn't sleep either."

"Are you thinking about something?" Miki had started to feel very protective when the twin-tailed girl was around, and she always wanted to know what was going on in her head.

"I'm always thinking about something," Kurumi answered with a smirk.

"Fair enough." Miki smiled. She side-glanced the bandage on the girl's arm and clenched a fist. She felt particularly at fault for not being able to bring the medicine faster; if she had, it would probably have worked better, and Kurumi wouldn't be slowly getting infected until now.

"Don't worry about this," Apparently Miki's stare was obvious, seeing as Kurumi lifted her arm as she spoke. "I'm alright, my arm is just a bit cold. Maybe I'll end up with a zombie arm and a human body, how freaky would that be?"

The joke was supposed to ease the mood, but it didn't work. Miki just frowned more and slowly reached to grab her senpai's hand. It was very cold and she felt her heart do a summersault.

"It's colder than before," Miki muttered, panic making its way to her throat. Kurumi squeezed her hand.

"It is, isn't it?" This time she wasn't joking anymore. With a heavy sigh, Kurumi turned around to face Miki. "It's a little numb as well."

"…Are you feeling anything else in other parts of your body?" Miki honestly wanted to cry right there, but she didn't have this luxury. The least she could do was to gather more information about how the infection worked, hoping to understand it better.

"Not really," Kurumi averted her gaze. "That's what scares me the most. I don't know if I'll just turn into one of them suddenly or if I'll feel my body rot from the inside slowly." She scratched her cheek and grinned sheepishly. "What a depressing thought, right?"

Both girls stood quiet for some time, an awkward mood installing between them.

"But even if I'm like this," Kurumi spoke up. "I still want to spend my time with everyone. I'm a horrible, selfish person, aren't I?"

With no warning Miki pulled Kurumi into an embrace. She felt so helpless and scared; losing Kei had already been painful enough, she couldn't even phantom the thought of losing someone else she loved. The twin-tailed girl gave everyone so much strength to keep going, and recently Miki realized how much she came to rely and care for her. Those words hurt her more than Kurumi probably realized.

"Don't say things like these, senpai…" She tried to hold back a sob, but to no avail. Kurumi tensed up but soon relaxed her shoulders, bringing one hand to rest on the top of Miki's hair and caressing softly.

"I'm sorry, I'm being silly." Closing her eyes and burying her face on Miki's hair, Kurumi allowed herself to be lost on the sensation for a while. The fresh breeze on her legs was pleasant, and she realized her kouhai smelled citrusy – probably the soap at the university. She would always associate that smell with the girl embracing her and it made Kurumi's chest flutter with emotion.

"We should tell the others…" Miki knew that as soon as she suggested this, Kurumi would deny it.

"No, we can't." And so she did, suddenly pulling away. "Things are finally looking up, I can't destroy their happiness."

"But what about _your_ happiness?" Miki exploded, grabbing Kurumi's sleeve. "Don't you think the others would be sad as well? If we all work together we might find a solution!"

"No, Miki!" It was the first time she'd heard Kurumi call her by her first full name in such a manner. "I'm already done for! It's over for me, the medicine didn't work! Don't you dare drag the others into this, I want… no, I _need_ them to be happy. It's the only thing that keeps me going right now, so _please_ …" She could feel the tears forming in her eyes.

Miki stared at her with a worried expression and tentatively stretched her arms, asking for permission to hug once again. Kurumi's mouth trembled as she looked into Miki's eyes and dove into her arms. She sobbed for what seemed hours, when it probably was nothing more than a few minutes.

Holding her senpai tight, Miki knew that she needed to vent these feelings to someone – and there was no one else who knew about this besides her. Even amidst sad emotions, Miki felt happy to be the one with whom Kurumi could share it all.

"Thank you…" Kurumi said, after a while. She sat up straight, not really letting go of the girl in front of her. "How embarrassing, to break down in front of my kouhai."

"You can't be strong forever, senpai." Miki replied with a soft smile. She reached out a hand to wipe the tears from her face and cupped her cheek. "We don't need to share it with the others, but at least… Let me be here for you."

Kurumi leaned her face on Miki's hand, closing her eyes. Her face felt a bit hot and she wondered why she was blushing, but decided not to think about it – at least not for now. "Thank you, Miki."

Their faces were so close and Miki was so infatuated with that girl all of a sudden. And since no one was around and the emotions were raw at the time, she slowly leaned forward and pressed her mouth gently against Kurumi's own. It lasted barely a second, but it was enough for the older girl to process it.

She blinked, widening her eyes. "W-what…?"

Miki pulled back, suddenly aware of what she'd done. "I'm s-sorry! I don't know what came over m-me, I didn't mean to…I'm so sorry…!" She started to get up, but Kurumi's strong grip on her wrist stopped her.

"No, don't go! It's alright, I was j-just surprised," Bringing Miki back down, Kurumi's blush intensified. She smiled nervously despite it. "These things tend to happen in situations like this, don't sweat it."

Miki wanted to hide in a hole on the ground, but something about that sentence caught her attention. "Situations like this?"

Kurumi froze on her spot and averted her gaze. "I guess I said something I shouldn't have…"

"Now you've got to explain it!" Miki was going to hold onto anything to save herself from further embarrassment, and it seemed like there was a gossip coming. She stared attentively to her senpai, like a kid waiting for a bedtime story.

"Oh, boy…" Kurumi sighed, scratching her cheek. "F-fine, but you can't tell anyone about this. Promise!"

"You know I'd never share our secrets, senpai." Miki promised, calming down for a bit.

"Right… It's just that…" Kurumi looked around, like she was looking for hidden cameras somewhere. Apparently convinced that there weren't any, she sighed and whispered. "I did something like this too once…"

"You mean… K-kissing someone?" Just saying the word made Miki's face redden again. Kurumi nodded, almost looking ashamed.

"Out of instinct. It was a night like this too, now that I think about it."

Miki didn't know why this was such a big deal; of course it wasn't something a person normally just shared in a conversation, but Kurumi seemed much more nervous about it than someone normally would. "Was the situation a bad one?"

Kurumi lowered her head even more. "Sort of. It's not what you're thinking, though."

"I'm not really thinking about anything…" Miki was confused.

"It wasn't before the disaster, it was after it. But before we met you." Kurumi looked up with a nostalgic gleam in her eyes, reminiscing the past. "And it was Rii."

"…Oh." Now she understood the embarrassment. "W-wait, you kissed Rii-san?"

"More than once!" Kurumi put both hands on her hips and gave a thumbs up. Miki chopped her head at this.

"Don't sound so proud!"

Kurumi massaged the painful spot, grinning. "Sorry, sorry." Things felt so normal for a moment that she almost forgot about her numb arm. She smiled again, sadly. "We have history, you know. But she never allowed us to go further than kisses to ease the loneliness."

Miki frowned and nodded, understandingly. Pursuing a relationship in that sort of situation was definitely not recommended; they would probably end up hurting each other more if something serious started between them. Somehow Miki wasn't exactly surprised by this confession, though; Kurumi and Rii were the ones who had to keep the team together, especially after Megu-nee's death. They'd taken care of Yuki's condition for a long time and it wasn't hard to imagine feelings developing at some point. They'd been like a family: two moms and their daughter trying to survive.

"Did you… Have feelings for Rii-san?" Miki wanted to ask if those feelings were still there, but she didn't want to sound jealous.

"I could never tell," Kurumi laid down on the concrete, resting her normal arm on top of her eyes. "We acted like that out of circumstances. Of course she was… She _is_ very important to me. I cared for her as much as I cared for Yuki, but also in a different way." Then she smiled and shifted her head to look at Miki. "Well, it doesn't matter right now either way."

"Oh?"

Kurumi sat back up. "When you're in this kind of situation, you can't get attached to what could've been. It's hard, but you need to let go of past experiences and focus on the present instead." Looking down at her bad arm, she sighed. "You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Miki related to her senpai in a way; she still thought about Kei frequently and wondered if the love she felt for her friend was more than she'd cared to admit. It was impossible to forget completely about Kei, but in time she learned to move on and love other people again.

And one of these people was sitting in front of her right now. She realized that emotions and love worked differently when you're in the brink of an apocalypse.

Miki grabbed Kurumi's sleeve. "If that's the case, senpai… Could I… I mean, just for tonight…" Her face heated up; it was so hard to express what she wanted even now. Luckily, Kurumi seemed to understand these things better than her.

"Do you want to kiss me?" She said with a kind smile.

"…Yes." Miki answered, honestly. They stood there, looking at each other for a while, as the night grew even older. The moonlight helped them see each other's features and Kurumi never looked so beautiful and alive, Miki thought.

Then Kurumi leaned forward, slowly closing their gap. She let their foreheads touch and breathed deeply. "You understand that this is a coping mechanism, and that this kiss won't… No, it _can't_ mean anything."

"Yes."

"For as much as you want to, we can't be anything more than friends surviving."

"I understand."

"Can you live with that?"

Taking a deep breath, Miki closed her eyes. "I've been through it before."

With nothing more to clarify, Kurumi closed their distance. Their lips danced together and Miki noticed that they were warm. Her hands gripped at her senpai's clothes, a little more forcefully than she intended. Kurumi's own hand made its way to the back of Miki's neck, pulling her closer and with sweep of the tongue on her lips, she asked for entrance. Miki was surprised at the gesture, but opened her mouth willingly. She'd never kissed anyone before and it felt amazing – the girl never thought that having a tongue brushing against her own would make her feel so hot all of a sudden.

Miki noticed with a bit of jealousy that her senpai was experienced at kissing and wondered just how many times she'd kissed Rii-san. But her thoughts melted away as soon as Kurumi elicited a small moaning sound from her throat. With her heart pumping fast, Miki had to pull back for air and before her hands wondered anywhere else inappropriate. Both of them stood frozen in each other's arms, breathing heavily. Miki licked her lips instinctively, not sure of what to do now.

"H-how was it?" She mentally beat herself up for saying something so dumb. There they were, in the middle of a worldwide disaster with no certainty if they'd even survive the next day, needing to kill off undead with shovels and whatever else they could find lying on the street, and Naoki Miki wanted to know if her first kiss was decent.

Kurumi blinked and gave a heartfelt laugh. "Pretty good," Then she averted her eyes with a smug expression. "For your first, that is."

"Mou, senpai…"

Then they started laughing and hugged, letting go of every problem in the world just for one moment. Miki didn't know what exactly she was starting to feel for Kurumi, but she knew it was probably what Kurumi felt for Rii-san. And even if was impossible to go any further with the twin-tailed senpai she loved so much, the two broken souls could rely on each other for healing.

It was a maze of desperation, but they found hope and light in each other that night, and were very glad for it.

* * *

hey it's me an author wanting to flood this tag with yuri and more Gakkou Gurashi fics

i'm so deep in this hole i'm going to die, KuruMiki is just? too perfect goodbye

hope you enjoyed it! Reviews always welcome

\- niigoki


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